Quickie Qollection
by Zana Moon
Summary: Not a crossover, but a growing collection of drabbles, oneshots, ficlets, and quickies of various animemanga, from humor to tradegy to romance, you name it! Includes favorites such as Inuyasha, FMA, Chobits, Fruits Basket, Rave Master, CCS, & many more!
1. Navigate

**Quickie Qollections**

**Current # of quickies: **10

**Author's Note: **Since I tend to write a lot of oneshots and drabbles, mainly of the anime/manga varitey, which I like to call _quickies _as they are quick reads (Aren't I clever? xD), I've decided that instead of wasting excess space and time by making each one it's own story, I'd slap 'em all in one big collection to save me the hassle and make things more conveint for everyone. And now that my run-on sentence is finished, here is the current list of all the quickies in my collection thus far, complete with title, series, and summary.

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**Nii-san** - _Inuyahsa_- Souta likes his older sister, but like many little boys, he's always wanted a big brother. And who'd be a better big brother than Inuyasha? Souta has a plan.

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**Grumpy for a Reason**- _Fruits Basket_- Tohru isn't acting like herself one morning. In fact, she's acting the complete oppisite, causing Yuki and Kyo to worry; both for her and themselves.

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**Plue's Secret Identity**- _Rave Master_- He's always been a sort of enigma, albeit an oblivious one. Finally, we learn what kind of animal Plue is! (Well, sorta...)

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**Silence is Golden**- _Chobits_- When Plum won't stay quiet, Kotoko is forced to take drastic measures...

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**Impossible Randomness**- _Multiple Titles_- Gasp! An actual crossover? Well, kinda. This is a sad attempt at fanfiction when I was all hyped up on candy on a boring Friday night. Caffine plus boredom is a bad combination... Completely and utterly random, with no point to it whatsoever. **Caution**: Reading this fic may cause your brain to implode.

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**Dreaming of You-** _Full Metal Alchemist_ - Ed keeps having these really weird dreams at night, about a certain special someone...and someones... Wait, more than one? What's up with these nightly visions? Is Ed's subconscious trying to tell him something?

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**Sesshomaru's Secret** -_Inuyasha_- With total disregard to the fourth wall, the Inu gang, after viewing the _Inuyasha _section of discuss Sesshomaru's surprising popularity amoung the fans. It looks like he may even have more fangirls than Inuyasha! How does he do it?

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**Got Milk?** -_Fullmetal Alchemist_- Even after several years, Ed still hates milk with a burning passion. Doesn't he know what a bad influence that is to little children?

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**Popcorn** - _Fruits Basket_ - Who ever thinks making popcorn isn't dangerous obviously hasn't met Shishou-san.

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**The Maes-Hughes Syndrome** - _Fullmetal Alchemist_ - Maes Hughes lives on...

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**The Major Disclaimer:** I OWN NOT-A-THING! SUE ME NOT!

(Just in case I forget to put one in...)

The collection is small but constantly growing! (Why is it spelled 'qollection' in the title? Because I typed it that way.) Many different animes, many different genres, all short and sweet! All fics are rated 'Teen', just in case. Reviews are, of course, still very much appreciated! Whether you want to review just one story or the whole thing, please do so! And also...uh, wait, nevermind. I'm out of things to say. Um...wow...that's a first...


	2. Nii San

**Disclaimer: **Guess.

**--Nii-san--**

He came to get Kagome, just as Souta knew he would. He always did if she took longer than three or four days. Souta bounced along right behind him, tugging his on his long, red sleeve to get his attetion. "Inuyasha! Inuyasha! I need to ask you something!"

The half-demon, who was waiting (impatiently, of course) for Kagome to get her stuff together, let out an exasperated sigh. "Yeah brat?" he said. Souta didn't seem at all offended that he had called him a brat.

"Will you be my big brother?"

"Uhh..." Inuyasha wasn't sure how to respond to that. He felt both annoyed and flattered. "You don't want a big brother. Believe me, they're not that great." He decided to say, thinking of Sesshomaru.

Souta, however, was not daunted. "Oh come on! Please?" He begged.

"Look, I just can't become your brother! We'd have to be related." _Ha_, Inuyasha thought proudly, _He can't ignore that logic._

"Don't worry! I got it all figured out!" Souta assured him. "My friend Watanuki got a big brother last week and he told me about it. It's called a brother-in-law. All you have to do," He said, very matter-of-factly, "Is marry my sister."

Kagome heard a loud thud and curious, she peeked her head out the window to see what had happend. Inuyasha, who's face was as red as his clothes, was lying on the ground as if he had just fallen over. He glared up at a confused Souta and shouted, "IS THAT ALL?"

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A/N: Just a little shorty I thought up while folding clothes. :) I said it was a double-drabble in the summary, but actually it goes over the 200 word count. Only a bit. Nii-san, for those who don't know, is a way to adress an older brother in Japanese. 


	3. Grumpy for a Reason

**Dissy:** I don't own Fruits Basket. I did once, but I ate all the fruits and threw the basket away when I was done.

**--Grumpy for a Reason--**

A ruffled Tohru was slumped over the kitchen table, with bags under her eyes and a worn-out expression on her face, marring her usual cheery self. She was staring straight ahead at nothing, slowly nibbling on chocolate she orginally bought to make fudge out of for her friends.

"So, what's for breakfast?"

Tearing off a chunk of the chocolate bar with her teeth, she turned around to glare at the newly woken Kyo. That glare made him feel very suddenly wide-awake.

"Make your own breakfast!" She snapped at him. Snapped! Now Kyo was most definitely awake. Since when did Tohru -Tohru!- snap at people? He looked at her, worried. "Hey, are you alright?"

"Oh, yes, I'm per-fectly fine! I'm all happy-wappy, fine n' dandy just like candy, skippa-da-do-da-day!" Sarcasism dripped from her voice like vemon and she shoved more chocolate into her mouth. Kyo was staring at her now, full of concern and confusion. "Ah! S-sorry, Kyo-kun!" Tohru muttered, trying to get back to her normal self. But how could she when she felt so crappy? "I'm just, uh...tired." He nodded, still in disbelief, and went to get some milk and cereal for his breakfast this morning rather than risk asking her again. He did venture to ask if she wanted him to get a bowl out for her too, but she shook her head, waving her chocolate bar. "I'm good."

"Oooookay then."

For a few mintues, they ate in awkward silence. Or at least Kyo found if it awkward; Tohru was just staring off into space again, oblivious to the world. Until Shigure waltzed in the kitchen, notjust breaking the silence but easily shattering it. "And how's my lovely little housewife today, hm? Ohohohoho!" He was just teasing, but like always, no one thought it was funny. Kyo was about to tell him off, but Tohru beat him to it.

"Leave me alone, YOU STINKIN' PERV!"

Both Sohmas were dumbstruck, mouth's agape in pure shock.

Enter Yuki.

"What's going on in here?" He asked, rubbing his eyes with a yawn. He looked liked he had just gotten out of bed (which he had). "Could you guys be anymore louder?"

Tohru, still in rage mode, attacked. "Well, sor-rey, your highness! Did we wake poor Prince Yuki from his beauty sleep? OH, THE NERVE!" She then dropped her head ontop the table and started sobbing. "I-I didn't really mean that, Shigure-san, Sohma-kun! Please forgive me! I j-just don't feel so well today and I'm," she sniffed, "and I'm just so tired of everything! I'm always doing stuff for eveyone and no one ever helps, not at all, and people think I'll do whatever they ask, without even thanking me afterwards, and it's because I'm such a pushover and can't stand up for myself and have to have you guys and my friends to take care of me because I can never do anything for myself and I'm so useless and nobody really likes me and everythingisjustsowrongandscrewedupandit'sallmyfault!" She finished in a slurred voice, crying uncontrollably. Shigure, Kyo, and Yuki all tried to reassure her and cheer her up at once, even though none of them really understood what happend. What was wrong Tohru?

"Look, Tohru-kun," Shigure said, "Maybe you should stay home today, since you're not feeling well."

"Who says I'm not feeling well? Didn't you hear me? I'M PERFECTLY FINE!" She yelled, shaking with anger. She jumped up and stormed out of the kitchen, stomping all the way up to her room. She even slammed the door.

"Uh..."

"But didn't she just say...?"

"What the Hell..."

The three were left in pure shock.

------------

"So, you wanted to see us? Something 'bout Tohru being sick, right?"

"Yes, is she okay?"

Tohru's two best friends stood outside the school with Kyo and Yuki. School was out already, students flocking out the doors and swarming past them.

"Well," Yuki frowned, "Honda-san was acting very strangely this morning. Not like herself at all."

"Yeah," Kyo put in, "She was yelling, crying, throwing out insults, getting all moody...it was like being in the Twilight Zone or something..."

"Oh, is that all?" A grin was spreading on Uotani's face.

"Is that all?" Kyo repeated, "What, you think she's like that all the time? I think she's lost it!"

Both the girls were snickering now, much to the boys' annoyance. Hanajima paused to give them a look of sympathy. "She's okay, really. This happens every month."

"Every month? What..." Yuki's eyes grew big, "Oh."

Kyo, on the other hand, still didn't get it. "'Oh' what? Whaddya talking about?" Uotani burst out laughing at this.

"Aww, Kyon doesn't know! Your ignorance is so cute, Orangey! Ha-ha-ha!"

"Hey! Don't call me that! And just tell me what the heck you're talking about already!" Still laughing, Uo-chan leaned over and whispered it in his ear, as if it were some big secret. Then Kyo went red. "Oh." He blinked.

"Yeah, Tohru's just so much fun during this time. But don't freak, she'll be back to her ol' sweet self soon."

"How soon?"

"Five or six days." Hanajima supplied. Both Kyo and Yuki paled.

"Every month?"

"Every month."

"Damn...we can't survive this.Oh, wait! I got detention all this week! YESS!" Kyo turned to Yuki. "Ha! In your face, pretty boy!"

"Shut up." He retorted, leaving to reluctantly head home. He grumbled all the way, thinking to himself, _That stupid cat...stupid,_ lucky _cat..._

--Fin!--

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A/N: Tohru with PMS! Scary eh? (You'll have to assume this took place earlier in the series, during the first month she moved in with the Sohmas.) I doubt she would actually behave that way, period or not, but the thought of it amsued me. Poor, poor, Sohma boys! Ode the joys of womanhood! ;) 


	4. Plue's Secret Indentity

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Rave Master. I borrow it from my library.

**--Plue's Secret Indentity--**

"Guys, I already told you, he's a dog!"

"What kind dog looks like that? He doesn't even have any ears! Or a tail!"

"Not all dogs have a tail, Musica. Duuh."

"Dude, he has a cone for a nose! I mean, seriously! What kind of dog has _a cone for a nose_?"

"No dogs do, and that's because Plue isn't a dog, he's a bug!"

"No, no, no! Master Plue is a great warrior! Don't be so insulting!"

It was a slow afternoon. After a big battle with Demon Card the other day, the gang decided to take a break before they all died from exhaustion. They were resting up in a small town. But by now, boredom had sunk in, and so another game of "Guess What Type of Creature Plue Is" had begun. Haru kept insisting that he was a dog, but Musica wouldn't believe such an absurd thing, and Elie was dead set on him being an insect, which Musica declared was even more absurd than him being a dog.

"So maybe he's an alien then!" she offered.

Haru shook his head. "No way. Dogs don't come from outer space."

"Man, that is not a dog!"

"How 'bout a unicorn...?"

"A reasonable thought, Miss Elie, but aren't unicorns more horse-like?'

"I dunno. Hey Plue, are you a unicorn?"

"Puuun..."

"See? I told ya he was dog!"

"Pfft. How does going 'puuun' make him a dog?" Musica scoffed.

"That's his bark!"

"Haru, don't be silly. Bugs don't bark."

"Elie, he's not a bug!"

"Yeah, and he's not a dog either!"

"Well I think he is!"

"No dude, he's-"

"SOOOO CUTE!"

Surprised, they looked down to see a random little girl in pigtails hugging Plue like he was a stuffed animal. "He has got to be the cutest little thing I've ever seen!" She told them with huge smile. Plue didn't seemed bothered by her. Maybe he agreed?

"Puun!"

Haru laughed. "Ah, well, I guess that settles that."

--Fin--

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A/N: I wrote this to pass the time while waiting for dinner to get done the other day. Not much, I know. Sue me. :) So, what do you think Plue is? 


	5. Silence is Golden

_Disclaimer: Me no own, you no sue._

**Silence is Golden**

"Kotoko! Kotoko! It's time to exercise!"

"No it's not."

Both of the little persocoms were sitting on the table, Plum dancing circles around Kotoko, who scowled in return. Hideki and Chi were out, and unfortunately did not take Plum with them.

"Yes it is, Kotoko! Look at the clock! What's it say, what's it say?"  
"Three forty-seven-"  
"EXERCISE TIME!" Plum pulled out her whistle and blew two sharp blasts.

"We're computers," Kotoko said in a vain attempt to get her to stop, "We don't need to exercise."

"Ah-ah-ah, that's no excuse!" cried Plum, "So get up now and shake your kaboose!" Kotoko gritted her teeth. All of this nonsense was giving her a head-ache. (Or as close to a head-ache a laptop can get.) "One-two! One-two! Chakakaka! Three-four! Three-four! Come on, Kotoko! CHAKAKAKA!"

That was it.

"PLUM. SHUT. UP!"

She jerked to halt, suddenly still. Kotoko sighed with reflief. Then, in a very robotic tone, Plum said, "Error: Request denied! Unit is unable to perform requested action(s). Please upgrade unit, try again, or rebot!" And back to her rigorous and annoyingly loud exercise routine. "Chakaka..."

Kotoko could not stand it any longer. She wasn't programmed to withstand such torture. "Oh, I'll rebot you all right..." She muttered as she got up and went over to Plum...

---

_Later that day..._

"What's wrong with her?"

"Sound card is broken." Kotoko reported casually, "She'll need it to be repaired."

Thankfully Hideki didn't ask her why Plum's sound card was broken, because she would have been forced to tell the truth. Of course, he could have found out the truth if he knew what Plum's frantic gestures and pointings at Kotoko meant. But he didn't. Mumbling to himself, he went off to find his manual on persocoms to see what he could do. (Later, he decides to just take her to Shimbo.) Plum in turn tried to convey her message to Chi instead, but she just smiled cluelessly and told Plum, "Chi will exercise later."

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A/N: I love Plum (or Sumomo), I really do. She reminds me of myself. -grin- This was just a little thing I typed up when I _should _have been doing my three page essay-project for French. Moi, tres terrible. xD 


	6. Impossible Randomness

**A/N: **A product of high sugar intake and late night boredom, this fic shouldn't be taken seriously. Don't ask questions, don't even think about it. That'll only make it worse. Just read. o0'

**Disclaimer:** I don't pwn any of these. You don't pwn any of these. Any of these don't pwn any of these. Cheese.

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**---Impossible Randomness---**

Kagome sensed a Shikon Shard near-by. So she grabbed her treasure map and slapped on an eye patch (for a better effect), and she and Inuyasha set off. Five seconds later the two arrived at an empty forest clearing, full of people. Inuyasha barked at them madly, sending them swimming away in a hurry. "Okay Kagome," he said in an officious tone, "Where's it at?"

"Twenty paces left, captain!" She reported, tapping the GPS that was formerly just a treasure map four sentences ago.

"All right! One...two...three..." He counted the paces as he skipped to the right, "Four...fifty-five...twenty...B...eighteen...twenty...five...pork chops...twenty!" He was standing right in front of Kagome and glanced down at the semi-sphere of Shikon Jewel she had on her necklace. He pointed to it and exclaimed, "Lookit! I found it!"

"Good boy, Inuyasha! You've earned a milkbone!" She tossed him the treat and he squealed in delight.

"Hey! Do we get milkbones?" A voice called from the trees.

"Sure, voice calling from the trees!" She held out a couple more milkbones and a young blonde guy, who was a little little, followed by a walking suit of armor, who a little tall, stepped out.

"Who are you?" Inuyasha asked, so Kagome could eat the milkbones while they weren't watching.

"Ed and Al." said the blonde guy.

"Edandal?"

"Yep. We're looking for the Philosopher's Stone!"

Kagome held out her Shikon Jewel. "Ya mean this?" The short one gasped.

"Yes! That's it! Where on earth did you find it?"

"Kay Jewelers."

The suit of armor crossed his arms. "See, brother, I told you so."

"So let's go to Kay Jewelers and get another one, then!"

"No wait!" Cried a voice from inside Al. Suddenly, his helmet-head was flung off and replaced with the head of a little girl. "We hafta play cards first!" She wiggled the rest of the way out of Al and jumped down, landing on her hands. Then she somersaluted and waved around a red book. "Please? Please?"

"Okay, Sakura, but you have to put the Tinman's head back on first." Said Kagome. Sakura did, placing Al's head back on, backwards. Once they were all settled, they sat down in a circle and Sakura began to deal out the Clow Cards.

"Wait a minute," Inuyasha leaped up, "We need more people in order to play this game! I'll be right back!" He ran into the woods, then immediately ran back into the clearing dragging a lumpy garbage bag. He dumped its contents out: Goku, Sailor Moon, Yugi-oh, Ash Ketchum with Pikachu, some kid with glasses and a lightning bolt scar on his forehead, and Daisuke/Dark. They all sat down with the others to play, except the kid with the ligthning bolt scar, whom Inuyasha shoved back into the garbage bag and threw into the woods, mumbling something about being three-dimensional and un-Japanese. Finally, everyone got their cards and they started the game.

"Do you have the Windy card, Edandal?" asked Goku.

"Nope. Go fish." Goku cursed and got up, ambling over to the river so he could go fish. Now it was Ed and Al's turn. "Yugioh, do you have the Power card?"

"Uhh...no." He answered. Sailor Moon peered over his shoulder.

"Hey, yes you do! He's cheating!" She declared and showed them his Ace of Hearts he had in his hand. Everyone gasped. "That means you lose!"

"But I am the Queen of Games! I do not lose!" He pointed to Ash. "He's cheating too! That yellow cat of his is telling him the correct answers!" Everyone gasped again.

"STFU!" said Ash, "Besides, Pikachu isn't a cat, so he couldn't tell me the answers." The others nodded, knowing it was true.

"So then who is the winner?" Sakura wanted to know.

"I AM!" A wannabe-ninja in an orange jumpsuit appeared from the sky, now pouting because the author just described him as a wannabe-ninja.

"Oh, hey, it's Naruto." Dark blinked and said, "We used to be in Girl Scouts together."

"I don't care if he was a dinosaur, that doesn't make 'im the winner." Inuyasha grumbled.

"HEY!" Naruto yelled at him, very offended. "Leave my mother outta of this!"

"Or else what?"

"Or else nothing!" Narotuo threatend, "Believe it!" The group paled.

"Believe _it_?" They echoed. He shook his head 'yes'. They paled more. Only EdandAl stood up to stand up.

"We refuse to believe _it_!" The two challenged.

"Aw, can't you just believe _it_ a little?"

"No," Said Ed, "I'm already a little. Believing _it_ would make me a littler! Besides, since we have the Philosopher's Stone now," he held up the taco to show them, "We don't need to believe _it_! We can all believe _that_ instead!" And everyone, including the bear, cheered and sang, estatic at the chance to believe _that_ instead _it_. Because everyone knows that _that_ is way better than _it_. 0.01 times better, in fact.

So they threw a big birthday party to celebrate and had cake and ice cubes, and they did the macarena, of course, and had a horrible, great time. They even used Al's head to play kick the can, until it was unfortunatley ended when flying fish came and stole the camera film. But that didn't ruin the fun, since Dark offered to drive to the Bahamas and get some more.

And they all lived happily-ever-before. Da end.

* * *

**A/N:** o0' Yeah...I know...

But hey, congrats to you if you actually read all stupid stuff! Here, have a Milkbone for your trouble.


	7. Dreaming of You

_**Disclaimer**: I do not own FMA. It owns me.

* * *

_

**---Dreaming of You---**

"You owe me for this one, colonel," said Edward Elric with a smug smirk.

"Hearing you say that makes a chill run down my spine..." replied the flame alchemist, Colonel Roy Mustang, as he sat behind his desk, organizing the many papers and forms that covered it into different piles. Edward had just stopped a group of terrorists from hijacking a train and that's why he was here now; he had done something good for others and therefore expected something back in return. Equivalent exchange. It seemed to not only apply to alchemeny but to everything else as well. _For example_, Roy thought, as he finally put down his papers and looked up at Ed, _Edward might be pretty short, but in exchange, he is also pretty sexy. Things even out. _Banishing the thought, he cleared his throat and took on an authoritive voice.

"All right. What do you want?"

"You sure get to the point," Ed said cheerfully, rising from his seat. He walked up in front of Roy's desk and, in one swift motion, swept all the stuff right off it. Surprised, Roy gaped as Ed climbed up onto his desk, threw off his red coat, and sat on his knees, his face just inches away from Roy's.

"I want you, colonel," he breathed.

"Can do, Fullmetal" answered Roy. They leaned forward, their lips getting closer and closer and then...

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

Ed sat up in his bed, panting and clutching the ends of his blanket for dear life. He looked around the dark room wildly: end table holding a flower vase, window with the curtians drawn, his things sitting in the corner...no one in his bed... He heaved a huge sigh of relief; he was in his hotel room, and everything was okay.

"Big brother, is everything okay?" It was Al, standing in the doorway, looking as concerned as much as a gaint suit of armor could possibly be. "I thought I heard you scream."

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I just had a bad dream, that's all," Ed quickly reassured his brother, although his voice shook despite himself. "A really, really bad dream. One of the scariest freakin' nightmares I've ever had. But I'm fine. After all, it was just a dream." _Thank God_, he added silently, even though he was an aethiest and didn't believe in God. (Well, he had to thank _someone_. That was a close call.)

"You know, Ed, it was probably from all that cake you had before you went to bed," Al suggested. "They say that eating right before you go to sleep can cause bad dreams."

"Figures. I knew having five slices of that triple-chocolate devil's food cake would come back to haunt me. Just not literally." Ed sighed and laid back down on his bed, pulling the covers up to his chin. "Sorry about that, Al. I'll being going back to sleep now. See ya in the morning."

"Okay. Good night, big brother."

"Good night," Ed called, as Al left and shut the door behind him. Only it wasn't a good night at all. He tried to fall back asleep, but everytime he closed his eyes, the horrible mental images of the nightmare replayed in his mind. Instead, he ended up staring at the ceiling for the rest of the night to keep them away. _Go-go triple-chocolate devil's food cake,_ he thought irratitably.

--------------

After a tiring day of hard work (more tiring than usual, due to the lack of sleep the night before), Edward was ready for a well deserved night's rest. And this time, he was prepared; he made sure to not eat anything in the last three hours. Confident, he eagerly went to bed and fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was dreaming again, but since it was a dream, he wasn't aware that it was a dream and wouldn't be until he woke up from his dream.

He was outside, on a paved street, surrounded by buildings. It was a city, Central perhaps, or maybe just a bunch of pieces of other random cities thrown together. It didn't really matter. It was just a vague backdrop for the actual focus of the dream, which was Ed battling it out with Envy.

A normal enough dream, Ed would have thought with satisfaction, if he knew that it was a dream. A good one too; he was kicking Envy's ass.

But all good things come to an end. After being knocked over by what would have been a fatal blow, Envy sprang up and suddenly appeared right in front of Ed, completely unhurt. There was a pause and they each looked deeply into another's eyes. That's right. _Deeply._

"You know," said Envy, in that hissing voice of his, "I don't really mean to kill you. I just attack you all the time because...because I love you!"

"Really? I love you too! Oh, Envy!" cried Ed.

"Oh, Ed!" cried Envy.

"Oh, shit!" cried the readers of this fanfic. (Who's comment shall be ignored, as that would be breaking the fourth wall. Sorry guys.)

And then Envy flun his arms around Ed and kissed him full on the lips. It was one of those long, passionate kisses, the kind they show a lot in chick flicks, which you eventually have to fastforward through because it takes forever for the couple to finally stop sucking face. Only poor Ed wasn't watching a chick flick. He couldn't fastforward his dream. (Considering the circumstances, he probably wouldn't want to.) And Dream Ed was enjoying the kiss, since Dream Ed was in love with Dream Envy, and so he wouldn't want to blow his brains out until after he woke up. Which, unfortunately, happend too late, as he had already witnessed the kissing for five minutes straight. Only then did he finally manage to wake himself.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Again, he looked around to make sure he was really in his room and awake now, which he both was. And again, he heaved a huge sigh of relief that it was only a dream.

_Damn it_, he thought, _All that fasting had been for nothing! This dream was worse than the last one! I actually got to the kissing part! And there was_, he shuddered, ..._tounge action. _

It greatly disturbed him that his dream was vidid enough for him to remember that part. Now he couldn't stop twitching.

"Big brother, what's wrong?" came Al's voice from the doorway. "Did you have another bad dream?"

"Bad doesn't even begin to cover it," Ed replied. "I don't get it! I didn't eat anything for hours! Why didn't that work?"

"Well," Al mused, "Maybe it was something else. Maybe there was something on your mind that you kept thinking about before you went to bed. Sometimes your thoughts get expressed in your sub-conscious mind through dreaming."

"Yeah," said Ed, perking up. "Yeah, that makes sense." He had been thinking the homunculi and their evil schemes earlier before he fell asleep. Of course he would dream about it. True, the last part was really weird, but lots of dream are, right?

Still, after Al had left and Ed laid back down, he couldn't get back to sleep. Or rather, he didn't want to risk it. He could give it another day before he fell asleep again. That way, the following night, he would be so tired that he wouldn't have the energy to even dream at all. It was a flawless plan, even though it really sucked. Ed grumbled and kept his eyes wide open.

--------------

All right. Bring it on, he was ready! Ed didn't eat anything all day, he somehow managed to keep his mind blank for the majority of the time, and he was dead tired. He barely even made it to bed that night and passed out as soon as he got there.

And he didn't dream, as according to plan. No dreams whatsoever. Ed got to sleep a dreamless sleep.

For a while, anyway.

Because then, unexpectedly (although he didn't know it was unexpectedly, as he was dreaming), Ed was admiring none other than the shirtless Alex Louis Armstrong's chest.

"Oh, mister Armstrong, you have such great muscles," he sighed, very much like a lovesick teenaged girl. "Can I...touch them?"

"Of course, young Edward," boomed Armstrong, "You can touch anywhere you wa--"

"GAHHHHHHHH! NO, DAMMIT, NOOOOOOO!"

"Oh no, not again? Ack! Ed, stop that!" Al rushed in to restrain his older brother from continuing banging his head against the wall.

"Why, Al, why?" he moaned, "Why do I keep having these dreams?"

Al steered him back to his bed and sat him down. "I'm not sure, big brother. Maybe your sub-conscious is trying to tell you something," he offered. Which was the wrong thing to say, but Al didn't know what Ed had been dreaming about.

"It had better be not trying to tell me something!" Ed snapped, not at Al but at his sub-conscious. (I think.)

Because the only thing those dreams could possibly be trying to tell him was that he was apparently homosexual and didn't know it. And Ed wasn't too keen on that.

"I am not gonna let myself have any dreams ever again!" he declared.

"But how are you going to that, Ed?" asked Al.

"Simple. I just have to stay awake," he answered flatly.

"For the rest of my entire life..."

* * *

**A/N:** I feel so evil. I'm so sorry, Ed! I was seriously laughing the _entire _time I wrote this though. I don't know why; I guess writing those wacky yaoi dreams unnerved me. I've never written any yaoi stuff before, and for good reason. Hee-hee. 

Believe it or not, the first four lines of dialouge was taken straight from the beginging of volume two of the FMA manga. (The stuff that came after it, though, was completey fabricated, as I hope you very well know.)

I don't understand why anyone would write a serious fic with these pairings. First of all, can you say "pedophile"? Ed's only fifteen. Roy's probably in his twenties, early thrirties. Alex Armstrong's even older. And Envy is like four hundred years old or something, and not to mention Ed's half-brother. (Technically.) And second of all, it's just wrong, on so many levels. So I had to go and poke fun at yaoi-pairings. That's the only thing you can with it.

Well, I hope you got a laugh outta it. Ed probably didn't, but he's fictional, so it's all good.


	8. Sesshomaru's Secret

**A/N:** This is obviously out of character. It's meant to be funny, so don't think about that too much. It's all about Sesshy! -gigglesnort- ...I just called him 'Sesshy'. Heh heh.

_Disclaimer: _We're doing this Jeopardy style. I say an answer, you form the question. Ready? Okay, the answer is...Inuyasha!

* * *

**Sesshomaru's Secret**

_Click-click-click-click-click-click._

"Miroku, you only have to click the mouse twice, you know," said Kagome. She and her friends were sitted in front of a random computer, in a random place, for no real reason whatsoever. They had come across a site called and found a whole section with thousands of fanfics about their series. It was all very flattering. (And random and reasonless, but whatever.)

"I know, but it's so much fun," said the monk evenly, scrolling down the page of fanfics. He clicked the mouse one more time for good measure.

"Have you found one about me yet?" asked Shippo.

"Nope. In fact, in seems that in most cases, you've been completely left out."

"Ha-ha," Inuyasha jeered, "Looks like you're pretty unpopular, shrimp!"

"Hey!"

"Inuyasha, don't be mean," Kagome chidded. "There may be a lot of fanfiction about you, but that doesn't mean you should act so cocky about it."

"What? I'm not acting cocky. Just because I'm the most popular character doesn't make me cocky. Jeez."

"Actually Inuyasha," Sango said, studying the screen, "It looks like your older brother is the most popular. More than half of these fics are about him."

"What? Lemme see!" He pushed Shippo out of the way and squeezed in between Miroku and Sango to get a better look at the screen.

"Since when could you read?" asked Kagome.

"Since when could Miroku surf the internet?" he shot back. He read a few summaries and shook his head in disgust. "What's wrong these people? I'm the hero of the story, not that stupid Sesshomaru! He's a bad guy! He tried to kill me before, remember?"

"Yeah, but you cut off his arm once."

"Dammit Kagome, who's side are you on?"

"Sesshomaru's, according to this fanfic," said Miroku with glee, tapping the computer. "I think Kagome gets paired with Sesshomaru more than she gets paired with you!" he laughed.

"Yeah, and it looks like there's more SangoxSesshomaru fics than SangoxMiroku." Inuyasha retorted. Miroku stopped laughing.

"SessxKag, SessxKik, SessxRin, SessxSang, SessxAyame, SessxKagura..." Sango said, reading off the list of fics. "So he's pretty much been paired with every female in the series?"

"Hee-hee, Sesshomaru's a pimp!" Kagome giggled.

"I don't get it," said Inuyasha, "He's such a girly-man. Doesn't anyone else think he wears make-up? And what about that fluffy, boa thing of his? I mean, seriously! What's so attractive about that?"

"Yeah, really!" Miroku joined in. "That lucky bastard. What's he got that I don't?"

"Oh, what's wrong boys? Jealous much?" Sango teased.

"No!" they both replied, a little too quickly. Miroku sighed.

"How does he do it?" he wondered with envy. "What's his secret...?"

-------

Elsewhere, in front of another random computer, in another random place, sat the great, popular and pimp'n Sesshomaru. But, unlike the others, he was there for a real reason, whatsoever and all. He was typing something, nodding every now and then or stroking his chin and saying, "Hmm, yes, that sounds good." Finally, he saved his writing with a flourish and pulled up a webpage.

"Documents, upload, save, click, and...aha! There we go." He smiled smugly at the screen, admiring his work. "Take that, Inuyasha! Who's better now?"

Jaken shuffled up from behind. "Lord Sesshomaru, are you writing fanfics about yourself again?"

"Yes." He threw his head back and laughed. "MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Ah, um, it's a good story, my lord. But don't you think this is a little extreme, perhaps?"

"...Jaken?"

"Yes, my lord?"

"Shut up."

* * *

**A/N: **And the question to the disclaimer was, "What anime and manga series does Zana Moon not own?" If that's what you had, give yourself 500 points. 

Ha-ha, this was pretty random. I'm not sure if Sesshomaru really is more popular than Inuyasha, but ya sure see a lot of Sesshomaru fics out there. All the ladies love him. But for what it's worth, Inuyasha, I like you more! -lol-


	9. Got Milk?

**A/N: **I thoughtthis was a cute idea. It's set sereval years after the end of the series, but yeah, Ed's there. Don't ask how; it's not important. Also, Al gots his body back still. Okay? Okay. _Disclaimer:_ Like you don't know.

* * *

**Got Milk?**

"Come on, Sophie, drink your milk."

"No! I don't wanna!"

Winry gritted her teeth while trying to keep a smile on her face. She recalled being told about the Terrible Two's and how tiring children were at that age. How come no one ever warned her about the Frustrating Four's?

"Honey, milk is good for you," she said patiently. "And we don't want it to go to waste, now do we?"

The little blonde-haired girl sitting at the table eyed the glass of milk warily, as if she expected it to do something suspicous. Then she crossed her arms and snuck her nose up in the air. "Milk is gross," she informed her mother.

Winry sighed. Stubborn, just like her daddy, she thought with exasperation. She decided to try a new tactic. Picking up the glass, she took a sip and beamed. "M'mmm, tasty. See, Soph? I love milk. It isn't gross at all." She pushed the glass back to her daughter. "Now you have some."

Sophie wasn't one to be bought over that easily though. "I don't wanna," she repeated, glaring at Winry. So, out of options, Winry glared back. Then Sophie realized her mother wasn't going to stop glaring back until she did what she was told. Her own glare faltered under Winry's, for she was no match against a pro like her mom.

Winry knew it too. "_Sophia Rene_..." she said, going in for the kill. When your parent calls you by your full name and throws in your middle name like that, you know it's over.

"But, but, but," Sophie stammered, her panic rising. What could she do now to save herself from the undeniable doom of drinking the dreaded milk? In her desperation, she cried out her very last arguement, "But Daddy doesn't drinks it!"

She saw something cross her mother's face, something a four year old wouldn't understand, but she knew it meant that, once again, the tables were turned. Surely if her daddy didn't drink milk, then she shouldn't have to either? Of course, parents never went by a child's logic, but unfortunately for them, a child's logic is often accompanied with a fortified stubborness.

"So I'm not gonna drinks it e-ter!" she announced. Winry didn't say anything, but left the room instead. Seconds later, she returned, dragging a perplexed Edward Elric, who must have been in the middle of something as he still had a open book in one hand, into the kitchen.

"Tell your daughter," she said, "To drink her milk."

He would have said something like 'Why? She doesn't have to if she doesn't want to,' but luckily for him, he noticed the tone of Winry's voice and duly noted how she said '_Your_ daughter'. He knew, by now, to pay attention to the signs.

"Drink your milk, Sophia," he commanded.

"O-tay, I will," she said.

Whew.

"If you drinks some first."

Nooo! Ed could practically feel his wife's determined gaze burning into his skull and he started to sweat. Before he could get out a protest, she went up and grabbed the glass, thrusting it at him.

"Um," he said.

"_Edward_..." she warned. Sophie was watching them expectantly. Like most little girls, she admired her daddy greatly, and if he drank the milk, then she would too. Winry was counting on this. The pressure was on. Ed took the glass and sighed. Oh, the things you do for love...

He raised the glass. He took a deep breath. Then he took a quick a swig.

Winry's face split into a smile. "See honey? Daddy does like milk!" she lied victoriously. Sophie, however, remained skeptical.

"He ain't swallowed it," she pointed out. For a four-year old, she was pretty sharp.

"That's because he's, uh, savoring it," Winry said quickly, "But he's going to swallow it. Right. Now."

Ed, cheeks bloated with the milk still inside his mouth, nodded vigorously and jerked his thumb to the door. He half-strolled, half-dashed outside, closing the door behind him. Then he came back in, cheeks deflated, and smiled nervously. He avoided his wife's eyes and dearly hoped there wasn't a wench laying around anywhere. (Because some things, like his aversion to milk, never change.)

"Yum-my," he said unconvincingly, "That was some good milk. M'hmm."

"Daddy, you spat it out!"

Ed groaned. Why couldn't his daughter be gulible, like all the other normal kids?

Winry was not going to let this go. She'd force the milk down Ed's throat if that's what it took to convince her little girl that milk wasn't evil. It was all his fault she that thought that in the first place. But before Winry could proceed, there came a knock at the door. Or rather, a kick.

It was Al. He had to kick the door because he was carrying a large hunk of something metal in his arms. "Hello everyone," he greeted them cheerfully when Winry opened the door for him. He sat his load down on the floor. "I think this engine-thing is yours, isn't Winry? They must have made a mistake because they sent it to my place instead, so I decided to just deliver it here myself."

"Oh, thanks a bunch Al!" Winry momentarily forgot the sitaution at hand, staring at her new shiny engine part in awe. "I'm so glad it finally came in! I can't wait to--hey, just where do you think you're going, mister!"

Ed jumped then skulked back into the kitchen. So much for his quick get-away.

"Stand there, up against the wall," Winry ordered and Ed reluctantly obeyed. "And Al, if I could just borrow you for a sec?" she asked sweetly.

"Uh, sure. What do you need me to do?"

"Just stand right there please, next to your brother." He did as instructed, giving Ed a smile as he took his place next to him. When Ed returned the smile with a fearful gaze, Al wondered if he should be worried.

Winry stood behind her daughter's chair. "Now, Sophie, who's older, Daddy or Uncle Al?"

Sophie thought about it for minute, looking back and forth between the two as she tried to remember, then she exclaimed, "Daddy!"

"That's right," Winry said encouragingly, while smiling smugly to herself. "Daddy's older, but which one of them is taller?"

Sophie didn't need to think about this question, as it was more obvious. She quickly and confidently answered, "Uncle Al!"

"Yup, you're right again! But wait! Isn't strange that Daddy's shorter than Uncle Al, even though he's older?" Winry asked, in a tone that suggested she was geniuely puzzled. She put on a thoughtful face as well, for good measure.

"Yeah, it is strange," Sophie readily agreed, nodding her head. "How come Uncle Al's taller if he ain't olders, Mommy?" she asked.

"Because," Winry stated dramatically, "Uncle Al drinks his milk!"

Al laughed, finally understanding what this was all about. Ed was trying not to look embarrassed. Because, whether or not milk had been the cause, Al really was slighter taller than his big brother.

"Really?" Sophie gasped. "And it makes 'im taller?"

"You betcha Soph," said Al. "I drink a glass of milk every day. It's good for you; it'll make me you grow big and strong. Your dad never drank milk when he was a kid, and that stunted his growth," he added teasingly.

"Whoaa," Sophie mummered in amazement. "I needs to drinks my milk right now then, 'cuz I don't wanna stay a shortie like Daddy!"

Winry and Al instantly cracked up at the sincerity of this remark, and Sophie started to giggle too, although she didn't really know what was so funny. Ed slauntered over, grabbed his book, and playfully bonked his daughter in the head with it.

"Ha-ha, very funny" he said, grinning and rolling his eyes. "If you're all done tormenting me now, I'd like to get back to work. Sophie, you better start drinking your milk and stop getting me in trouble, missy."

"Yes sir! I'll drinks my milk every day _and _stops tattlle-telling on you."

"That's my girl," Ed laughed.

Needless to say, little Sophia Elric stuck to her word. (The part about drinking milk, anyway.) She never failed to drink all of her milk and it soon became her favorite beverage. She also adopted a new mission; in the same way that many children try to make a parent stop smoking, Sophie tried to make her father start drinking milk.

"Come on Daddy, drinks your milk," she would often tell him. "It's good for you..."

"..And maybe then you'll grows up to be big and tall, just like Uncle Al!"

**..FIN..**


	10. Popcorn

**...Popcorn...**

"I hope we didn't come at a bad time."

Tohru quietly stepped inside the dojo after Kyo. Kyo had left something behind there earlier that week, and when he mentioned stopping by to get it, Tohru offered to go with him. She was looking forward to seeing Shishou-san and the others at the dojo again.

"Pfft, he ain't gonna care if we're here," Kyo said to reassure her. For some reason though, the dojo seemed empty and Shishou was no where in sight. And then, a bright blue flash went off down the hall, followed by a shout and some smoke, drifting out into the hall before dissapating.

"Oh man, I can't believe he's trying to cook again!" Kyo groaned, immediately taking off towards the kitchen. A worried Tohru followed.

Kyo charged in. "Shishou--!"

"Oh, Kyo, Tohru-san, what a pleasant surprise! Ah, don't worry about this," he nodded to the smoking mircowave, which now had a big hole melted through its door. "It's all right. I stopped it before anything caught on fire."

"Shishou, what the hell did you do?" Kyo wanted to know.

"I was watching a movie on TV, so I decided to make popcorn to go with it," he replied with a smile. Kyo's mouth dropped to the floor.

"Popcorn? Mircowave popcorn? How can you possibly mess up that!"

"Hey now. I can do popcorn just fine, mister," Shishou said, pretending to be offended. "That wasn't a problem," he continued cheerfully. "I had to get up and do something real quick, but when I came back, the popcorn was cold."

He walked over and retrived his popcorn to show them.

"So I put it back in the mircowave to reheat it," he explained. Kyo nearly fell over.

"IN A METAL BOWL?"

"Oh," said Shishou, turning to ask Tohru, since she seemed to be the culinary expert, "Is that what I did wrong...?"

--Fin--

* * *

**A/N:** It's kinda embarrassing to admit, but this was based off a personal experience. :) I think that's why I like Shishou-san, because I can definitely relate to him when it comes to cooking. I hoped you all learned a valuable lesson from this, people! Never, ever put anything metal (including aluminin foil) in a mircowave! It will spark and blow and mess up the mircowave, and then your parents will be very mad because they have to go out and buy a new one. 

Go-go Shishou-san!


	11. The Maes Hughes Syndrome

**...The Maes-Hughes Syndrome...**

Roy Mustang was at his desk, sorting through papers and other important documents. It was just another busy day at the HQ in Central. Suddenly, his phone rang, so he put his papers aside and answered.

"Colonel Mustang speaking," he said into the receiver.

"Hey, Mustang, it's me," a voice replied cheerfully from the phone. "Just wanted to give ya call and say hi! Oh, and you'll never guess what my darling little girl did today!"

Oh, not _him _again! Roy inwardly sighed. He'd been put through this too many times before.

"She drew this amazing picture of a tree in her coloring book--"

"So? A lot of kids draw stuff like that," Roy pointed out, and instanly regretted it once he realized what he had done. (Which was reply.)

"Heeello, didn't you hear me? I said it was _amazing!_ You can almost tell it's a tree at a first glance! And how many four year olds do you know that can color in the lines? My little girl, she's got some talent, let me tell you! She could be a world famous artist one day! Heck, she's got enough talent to be world famous anything! Not that that's a surprize, of course. After all, she has my intelligence and skillfulness--"

"Look, I'm little pre-occupied at the moment," Roy tried to say, but he might as well have been talking to a wall.

"--and she's as beautiful as her mother, and tough like her too. Why, just the other day, she tripped and scraped up her knee, and I thought for sure she would burst into tears, but that girl didn't even bat an eye. Tough as nails, my little girl. And she's such a sweet little angel too. You know what she told me earlier? She told me that I was the best Daddy in the whole wide world, that's what she told me! Isn't she just the cutest?"

"Yes, she's the cutest," said Roy, rolling his eyes. "Now can you please stop going on about your family? I am trying to work here, Fullmetal."

Edward, though, had apparently only heard the first sentence; he merrily continued talking about how cute and wonderful his daughter was. Roy put a hand to his head and grimaced. Why was it always _him _who answered the phone when Ed called? It wouldn't have been problem if he wasn't suffering from what everyone now called the "Maes-Hughes Syndrome". Edward Elric didn't change much over the years, that is, until he got married and had a kid. Ever since, he has often had sudden bursts of 'I-love-my-family-and-now-I'm-going-to-brag-about-them-for-hours-ism'. And he is never caught without a wallet full of photos that he is more than willing to share with friends, aqquantinces, and random strangers.

"Seriously Edward. If you do not have anything important to tell me, then let me get back to my work."

Ed snorted. "Oh, you're just jealous, aren't ya?" he said. "Because I'm a father and you're not. But hey, don't worry. I'm sure you and the Mrs. Colonel just settled down and got busy--"

"Edward!"

"Hey, I'm just trying to help. Riza would make such a good mom and I'm sure once you experience the joys of fatherhood, you'll stop being such a tightwad. Of course, you'll never be as good a father as me. No offense. But like my little sweetheart said, I'm the best Daddy in the whole wide world. And if my daughter says so, then of course it's true, 'cuz she's just the smartest little girl there is. Did I tell you about how she's already starting to learn how to read? She's catches on pretty fast, you know. She can even spell a few words, can you believe it?'

Roy groaned.

"It's amazing how talented she is! She's a prodigy! Oh, and I got some great pictures of her and her lovely mother together, I can't wait to get them developed! Heck, I'll even send ya some copies, so you can view the magnificent beauty of my two wonderful girls yourself and turn green with envy. Of course, you'll have to send them back eventually, so I can have extras in case I lose mine. Not that I would, because that would just be tragic! Well, maybe not that tragic, since I get see my perfect 'lil girl and gorgeous wife every day, in person, which is just the best thing I could ever ask for. I can't believe how lucky I am..."

Quietly and slowly, Roy lowered the phone, gently hung up, and went back to his paperwork.

The silence was extremely refreshing.

_Back in Resembool..._

"That jerk!" Ed grumbled, finally realizing that he was talking to a dial tone. "Hanging up on me like that! Or maybe," he said, his face changing from angry to thoughtful, "Maybe the connection was broken." This seemed to make sense, because why would _anyone _want to hang up on him when he was telling them about his wonderful family?

"Well, in that case, I better call him back..."

-FIN!-

* * *

**A/N: **This came to me when I was writing Got Milk? and I just couldn't help myself. I guess you could say it's a "companion" one-shot. It's the same time setting, sereval years in the future. Unfortunately, poor Roy is still a colonel because I don't how military ranks work and I didn't want to accidently demote him. Heh. 


End file.
